Predictions for 2025

Happy New Year! Here are my predictions for 2025:

Grimes releases tell-all book about Musk but in a Gruffalo’s First Library format

Moon does something fucked up

The meaning of “journalistic reporting” expanding to include blog posts, think pieces, diary entries, “if my seven-monthold could talk” reels and Facebook neighbourhood groups

Cabinets???

Hanoverians back in a big way

Dinosaurs re-litigated on TikTok

Two new religions, only one fake

New type of natural disaster to worry about

Olivia Rodrigo releases note for note cover of “Celebrity Skin”, feigns ignorance if asked about it

Rise of potting shed influencers

JD Vance wears “working hard, hardly working” novelty socks to work seven consecutive days, eventually obliged to call other people’s attention to the socks

Molly Mae starts Mahabharata read-along podcast

Kitten heels out

Pedal pushers and candy stripes in

One high profile CEO child starts shock tactic environmentalist splinter cell

First AI-specific cultural awards

Aestheticians start offering something apparently totally sincerely called “The Substance”

More greenwashing, pinkwashing and a secret third washing as yet undetermined

Scribbling things on post-it notes huge again

Micro celebrity releases detailed instructions for how to make semi-adhesive notelets, public freak out and hard right turn after numerous commenters point out that you can buy Post-It notes in a shop

Surprise A-List celebrity station WHSmith collab

New fiction trend? Earth-peoples. Expect romance novels about moles, worm novellas, ant fantasy (genre nickname just “fantasy”)